Becky

I am living in everett in an apartment for the next year. I have a really great new boyfriend Eric, and a great job and roomates! We have had internet set up the past month but no computer, today I was able to meet up with my mom and we got some things out of her storage and she let us use her computer so YAY I have the internet again! I will be able to keep in touch with everyone again and get my WOW account set back up.



I do have some bad news though too. As you all know I have had weak knees almost my whole life, I have had two knee surgerys on my left knee, the second one was to fix up stutures that tore from the first time, Well now my left knee is all fucked up again I dont know if its from me working so much or from all the exersize I've gotten the last year or what. But I've been to the doctors It looks like I may never be able to get my knees completly normal, which means I will never be able to work in any kind of acting or standing all day enviroment and eventually not work at all because the pain and weakness will just get worse over time. I have to go back to talk with someone about getting on medicare because I'm going to have to be on a chronic pain treatment plan which means I will be on a lot of medications.

First of all I'm going to talk to the natrualpath doctor at the community health clinic, it sounds like I may be getting prescribed medical pot. Because they wont prescribe people like me narcotics because this is something I will have to treat every day to be able to get through the day.

So everything is kinda up in the air for now. I'm going to have to cut back to part time at work because my knees are soo bad right now. Maybe the PT will be able to help me with exersizes so that I can work atleast. If not my mom is going to a seminar next friday to find out about disability. She has been telling me for years that I could probably get it and with all my medical problems it would probably be the best thing for me. I've just been stubborn and wanting to work and be resonpsible for my self. But with the way I am feeling now and if it cant get fixed and if it gets worse I will have to get disability and stop working.

for the first time in my life, work is going GREAT but everything else is pretty shitty. But I'm trying to stay positive because by Friday I will not be homeless anymore. I'm moving into my new apartment in Everett with one of the girls I work with. : ) we get to paint and everything! I am SOOOO excited for that. But untill then I am homeless, stressed, pretty much familyless for the moment due to all kinds of drama. but hey, life goes on...

Love, Becca

Well today I magically woke up at eight am on the dot! this is a suprise for me cuz lately I've had such bad cabin fever its made me soo restless that I cant sleep at night. SO I wind up taking nyquil to knock my ass out but than I end up sleeping waaay too long. But last night I took some and woke up right at eight so that was nice. I've been just mainly taking care of thisg today before I start back to work.



I had an interview yesterday with Petco that went REALLY well and I will here back about it on Friday. SO I will write more info about the job after I Find out if I have it or not.



Today I called all of the hospitals that I owe money too and requested financial help applications from each indiviual hospital. So I'm going to fill those out and send them in and see if I can get any help paying them. If not I could still probably manage to pay them off on my own with in a few months. But it would be nicer to get the help since I dont have much money and I have a lot of bills.

I've been on two nice walks with the dogs today it is SOO pretty out I just had to get outside!

I also called the vet and got Bear's appointment set up to get his stiches removed, also at that time I'm going to bring all three dogs to get their shots updated. That will be on Friday.

Tomorrow night I have no idea what I'm going to be doing. no plans yet. Maybe I can find some friends to hang out with and have fun or something. Now I Need to try and motivate myself to get other things done.


I will post something more intersting soon!

Peace!

Becky

Okay so I have been thinking a lot lately about all of my medical conditions. Because I seriously have WAY too many for a girl my age. And it has been an on going thing my entire life. One of the things I did find out was that I had a learning disability called dysgraphia when I was about 15. My parents had gotten a letter in the mail from Children's hospital saying that they were finding in new studies that many children were having learning problems and speaking problems who had gone through open heart surgery as infants. My parents took me in immeadetly to a few different places to get tests. Cuz I had always been kinda a weird child, I learned things differently and I would be extremly well with some things and horrible at others no mattter how hard I tried at them.

Growing up I always kind of felt like this weird kid. I never felt like I connected with my peers and had a hard time understanding certain things. I also had an INSANE amount of imagination, some times to the point where it would cause me anxiety. I beleive that my extreme imagination could definatley be from the anesthsia I was on and morphine for months at a time as a child growing up. Plus I have had a total of 6 surgeries now all were farily long and I was under medications for a long time and for a long time after wards.



Anyways not all of these problems are gone now. I'm just starting to get more aware of them and now that I have internet again I've been doing a lot of reasearch. I found out that I got more brain damage than I thought, not just from loss of oxygen to the brain the to times I medically died, but also from them putting me into a cardiac hypothermic state, and from all of the different combinations of drugs they gave me. Including morphine, which I now have a completly high tolderance to and it has no affects on me what so ever! and also the anesthetics have proven to cause a lot of problems in people. Including the different drugs they put into it like, hallucingetics, a drug that blocks your memory, and it makes you basically brain dead and a palegic, you cant move, and I guess in many cases they found back when I was having surgery that babies and kids were waking up a lot but since they couldnt move or talk they couldnt make it aware!! isnt that freaky! and ALIA you remember me telling ou how I remember one of my surgerys?? So I guess that can cause a lot of post dramatic stress dissorder, which causes depression and anxiety and obsessive behaviors. WEIRD.

This is all kinda freaky to me but also helps a lot, it helps me understand what my body has been through and why I am the way I am now. anyways, here are a few studies I Found on some of my research, I found a lot more but I dont want to post all of it!

http://indianheartjournal.com/2001-5/IHJJulyAug04/Neurological%20Complications%20and%20Neurodevelopmental/neurological_complications_and_n.htm



and

http://ats.ctsnetjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/74/2/422



I will update again more!!



Peace!!



Becky

Saturday night was fun, we went to the bar in Georgetown and I had a couple drinks and some yummy food. I pretty much skipped the radiohead thing cuz I was really tired so I just went to bed instead. I've been sleeping really good lately. Things have been going fairly good. I'm still waiting to get a job but I keep finding new opportunities so I just need to be patient and I will find the right job soon.

Tonight I am having some trouble sleeping. I believe it could be because, I can definably feel a big change coming for me, but I'm not certain what it is or what kind of change it would be for me. I'm kind of happy and excited yet terribly scared as well. I feel like I have gotten to such a great place in my life and I don't know what to do if it all fell apart.

But then again who am I fooling. I have felt the strongest emotionally I have ever felt in SOO long. I'm not sure if it due to the situations I have recently been through or like my therapist I use to see had always told me that woman tend to mature and "find themselves" in their mid twenties. I am thinking it is from a bit of both. So with all this positive feeling and strong feeling about myself, I've had actually had a LOT going on lately. Well not me personally but with my family mainly, and also with friends.

Things that would normally upset me and stress me out soo badly it would handicapped me from being able to be a human being. Which right now I am still keeping on top of things like cleaning, taking care of myself and animals. I've noticed I've been struggling with things like I get sort of a lag before I get myself motivated but the point for me is that I did it, when before I would just tell my self I cant do it and nothing would get done and I would feel even crappier about myself.

Anyways I dont know what my problem is right now. I just know that I feel so close to some sort of completeness but I'm not sure if it is quite there. Maybe I will feel better about things once I am more secure and stable. I JUST moved away from portludlow a little over a week ago, I still need to get my things from there, find a job, start a new life out here, and start visiting all my friends I haven't seen in a long time, PLUS keep up with my sanity and health.

The thing that seems to be at the top of my mind constantly has been my health. I have been taking much better care of it since I started exercising and lost weight. I'm eating a lot better. getting way more exercise, and just feeling mentally healthy as well.

I guess what I am afraid of right now is normalcy. I've been SOO use to chaos and drama and stress and strife the past few months, heck even years, that I'm kinda scared to change my life style. Like I got so use to that one life pattern of constantly struggling to pull my head out of the water. And now I feel completely out of the water its like what do I do what happens next where am I supposed to go?

Is it okay to feel lost and found at the same time????

I know this blog doesn't make too much sense. Tonight my mind just started rambling so I decided to write instead of let all this stress fester inside of me.

I hope everyone is doing well! and I am hoping things start coming around for me with a job.

I will write soon!

<3 Becky

So tonight is my first Saturday night SINGLE! I'm going out with some friends to a really cool bar in Georgetown where my friend Si plays sometimes, its called Jules Mae and its a really cool laid back bar with great music and atmosphere!

THAN were going out to see radiohead lazershow at 10:30! if any of you arent busy later tonight maybe you could meet up with us at the lazer show!

Well prior to having all of my fun I have been responsible, I applied for the position at Petco today it was one of those online applications with the long survey thingy. I looked at the carrer info page and they have FULL medical, dental, and vision coverage PLUS a discount on everything lincuding pet insurance!! aaaand if I can get in as a groomer there they PAY for my training! the ONLY downside to going through training there instead of paying for school is that I will have to sign some sort of agreement that I wont work for any other groomer company or work on my own for a certain number of years, I think like two or three.

Which I Decided is worth it because of my financial situation, this way I can get paid for school instead of haivng to pay for it, I also will have all my clients already there for me, I will work for a couple of years there and gain a ton of experience and become fully ready to open up my own place or just work somewhere else. PLUS I will be getting benefits aswell.

I'm really hoping to start working with in the next week! My first thing I want to save up for is Ingrid Michaelson concert tickets! she will be in WA in feb and march. I really like her music and her voice is really close to my singing voice its kinda scary! and all her lyrics are just wonderful! and she is just dang cute!

Anyways, Bear is doing better his stiches were bleeding the first day after his surgery but not too bad and I blotted it and held pressure and now have a bandanna around his neck to cover up the stiches so he or the other dogs cant get to it. He doesnt seem to be in pain or anything though, he is being his normal happy self.

Last night I cooked a pretty good tortellini pasta dinner! I had some friends come over and we ate dinner and drank some wine, it was really nice! and my pasta turned out way better than I would of imagined. I've become to REALLLY enjoy cooking now, even cleaning and laundry! its weird.

OH! I checked my weight last night and I was down two more pounds! 128 I';ve been soo full of energy lately I cant help but get exersize. I Hope two pounds in one week isnt really bad though! but I guess I had still been a little bloated from my ovarian cyst that ruptured a couple weeks ago, I dont feel nearly as bloated so maybe that could have something to do with it. Ive been eating like crazy, just eating pretty healthy stuff maybe since I started exersizing my metabolism changed I dont know. I can talk with my dr about it in a fwe weeks cuz I have to go in to talk about the birth control pill I am on to stop me from ovulating and in which will stop me from getting cysts. If it still hasnt given me any weird side affects by than I MIGHT get an IUD just depending on costs and if I will have insurance by than or not. right now the pills are 30 dollars a month with no insurance. so who knows...

anyways, I'm gona go play with my doggies and than maybe play a little WoW! it has been sooo long, but I've found I cant sit still for too long and play it like I use to, which is a GOOD thing!



okay I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!!



I will post again soon!



<3 Becca

So in my years of dating and having relationships I have ALWAYS been the one to be dumped. I always thought that was the harder side of it but now that I have left Adam I've realized it is pretty much equally hard.

Yes, I left Adam. I know I made it sound like things were doing awesome and wonderful but I think that maybe the first month I was with him it was exciting and new. He introduced me to all kinds of new people and a new way of life. The laid back island life. I really enjoyed my time in Port Ludlow I had a great job well not pay wise but very nice coworkers and plenty of great customers. But over the last several months since about Nov. Adam and I have been having a lot of problems. For one he is a heavy alcohol drinker, pot smoker, and occasional other drug usage. Which is not my think at all! I was trying to be open minded and I never want to be one of those girlfriends that changes someone to mold them to who I want them to be. But I realized all of are arguments were about things we wanted each other to change about ourselves and it just never happened.

All though I have made many good improvements with my self and changes inclucding, exersizing, I am down to 130 pounds!! My goal weight is 120 so if I keep up with my new healthy life style and stick with it I'm sure that will be no problem. I've also learned to manage my stress and illnesses muuuuuuuch better. I only missed work once because I had an ovarian cyst rupture a few weeks ago. It happened while I was at work and I tried to be strong and stay for my whole shift but my manager told me to leave and go to the hospital. They were very understanding about, they seemed to care about my state of mind and health way more than Adam ever did.

He was a nice guy but very involved with himself. Put himself first all the time, put me down A LOT and just over time I realized that he was NOT the right guy for me what so ever. SOOO

Last Sunday I told him I was leaving, he got really angry and all day Monday he was just mad at me, ever since then he just keeps calling and texting me saying that he misses me and wants to change so that I will come back to him, but I made it very clear that its not going to happen.

Anyways, I am doing really good I've only cried because I feel bad hurting someone who cares about me, even though he hurt me too. It feels wonderful to not be constantly worring about pleasing him and doing everything HE wants his way so that he doesnt drunken angirly yell at me. He was never physically violent with me just really mean to me with what he said and how he treated me.

So even though it has been hard to break it off I feel very good about myself for sticking up for myself. I'm tired of being the girl that gets walked all over and constantly struggling. I want to be able to take care of myself mentally, physically, and financially.

Right now I'm staying with some friends and looking for a job and place to live. I have a few good job oppurtunites. The one that looks very promising is at All the best pet care in lake city way. I use to go in there all the time when I lived in Georgetown and the manager really liked me and I actually was offered a job with them right before I left to move to port ludlow, I just called and she is still hiring but needs me to come in and update my application. They have benefits, AND I would get to work in an enviroment that involves something I care about, animals and there health and well being.

Plus besides my benefits I will be able to get discounts on pet supplies and food, which will help me out financially since I now have three dogs. My mom had gotten a bull terrier puppy a few months back and her fianccee changed his mind and realized that having a dog was too stressful for him and he couldnt train her at all. With in a week of having her she is potty trained, doesnt bite at all she use to do the puppy nibbles but those tiny puppy teeth can hurt so I've trained her how to be gentle with people. She also knows sit and is still learning shake and lay down. She is a wonderful little puppy and a good addition to my little family. Dakota and Bear love her they play wonderful together!

Anyways I know its been a long time since I've updated and I'm kinda writing about all kinds of random things I just dont have the time to write out EVERYTHING I've been through lately.

I just wanted to let everyone know Im back so I can see you all much more, and that I am doing really well and I'm finally happy with myself!

I'm interested in going to a dog grooming school which is in kenmore the only thing holding me back is finances so once I get back to work and start saving $$ it should work out. Even if I dont decide to do dog grooming as a career it will be lovely to learn all that stuff just for my own personal use and any friends or family who have pets and want cheap or free grooming and health tips!

anyways I need to get going, I've been away from internet and tv for 6 months start to feel lazy if I sit at the computer or tv for longer than 30 min, and I have soo much more energy than I use to since I've been walking and working out a lot. So I get antzy sitting still.



OH YEAH! I forgot to update about Bear, he is at the vet right now having minor surgery, He has had a small lump on his neck for awhile and I went in to get it checked out. The vet does not think it is cancer but would like to remove it and send it to a lab to get tested just incase. It is most likely just a cyst or something weird but not harmful like that. So once I get the results back I will update about it.



I hope everyone is having a good new year so far! and I will be updating more often now.



~Becky

I have once again stumbled across a computer with internet access! Let's see what has been happening the last month for me...

Dave has gotten evicted from the house in Georgetown which means Adam and I were too. After a month of searching places available to rent and trying to decicde where we will live we've found a place!

This last month has been pretty stressful due to lack of money and the whole, once again moving situation. Adam's work schedule also was changed to 730am to 330pm, which meant he wound up staying on the island through out the week while I was stuck in seattle. It has been hard, espeacially since I have no tv or internet. I've been pretty sore still from the accident and I now have a pinched nerve in my low back, so if I stand up after sitting for a long time my back goes out on me and I have to stand there bent over and slowly straighten up my back. So I've been spending the last week reading my 4th book of the earth children series, which is SOOO good. I just have a few more chapters left in it.

I also believe I have another cyst starting. My period is due in about a week. I've been having crazy ass pms and cramping for the last two weeks. At first I thought there could be a chance I was pregnant because last month Adam and I had a condom broke. (sorry if that is tmi) Anyways we were kinda freaked out but I got a pregnancy test earlier this week which was neg. So with all the signs and symptoms I am almost positive I have another cyst. Which I hope is not the case but only time will tell.

Anyways enough of the stressful crap that has been going on. Adam and I are moving in TODAY (my brother John's 21st b day) to our friend Danen's house in Port Ludlow right over the hoods canal bridge. Danen is living in Hawaii right now and will be for the next 6 months or so. Anyways we've been over at his house several times and told him how much we loved it, and when this housing issue came up we talked with him about it. Actually Adam has been busy working so I've been the one looking for places to move and doing all the negotiating. Over the last week I've been talking with Danen and we both agreed that it would be the best thing for both sides.

Let me describe to you where Adam and I are going to be living from now on. Well I will describe for all of you people on the other side of the water how it will appear to you when coming over. Once you get off the ferry ride to BI, It is already quite a bit more peaceful than what you are use to in seattle with the crazy traffic and all. Plus the scenery is BEAUTIFUL! trees everywhere, artistic houses and shops, views of the water from almost everywhere you go. Anyways you head up towards the suqamish bridge, after you go over that you are in Poulsbo, drive through poulsbo which is a pretty small town with a lot of construction going on to expand the roads and new businesses going up. Than you take a right onto HWY 3 and head towards the Hoods Canal bridge.

The Bridge itself is one mile long, and the view is just fantastic especially at sunset or sunrise. Once you are over the bridge you are completly out in nature. Our place is just a few miles after the bridge, you take a right off of the freeway up this long winding hill. Than turn onto Moondance rd which is a private gravel road, there is a few houses off of the road, ours is toward the end of the road, We have several acres of land and wooded area. The house itself is amazing let alone the scenery and view of the entire canal! Danen custom built this house, the whole wall that faces the water is all glass doors. The ceiling has many sun roofs to bring in even more light or for at night looking up at all of the stars. The kitchen is all black granite counter tops with gorgeous wood work cabinets. The flooring is all flattened out huge stones and they are all heated flooring aswell. The sleeping area has a queen sized actual temprupedic bed with a great bedframe that has nice wooden drawers for clothes underneath, and the whole other half of the house has lofts up along the top. The bathroom is just amazing! The shower was custom built to resemble a waterfall, theres several windows in the bathroom to bring in light, and when you look outside all you see is the pretty evergreem trees. The shower has stone and rock walls and plants, also a stone bench to sit on and the shower head hangs directly over the middle of the shower area to make it more like a waterfall. Plus there are green indoor plants inside of it too!

Not only is this house completly amazing and beautiful, so is our surroundings, like I said we have a great view of the water, it is also fantastic for the dogs, they are welcome to just roam around the property they love it! they just run around and play all day and come inside to rest. We have an uper part of the property which the house is on and a lower part down from the hill which is where Danen is going to live when he comes back, he is building a cabin down there. Both peices of land have huge firepits for bonfires. Oh and I forgot to mention we have solar paneling on the house. So if the power goes out or whatever we can use the saved up solar energy and it also decreases the electicty bill.

I am sooo excited to get in there tonight, the only reason were still waiting is because, Danen is having some friends and his brother inlaw go up to the house today to clear out some of his stuff and move his cars out of the driveway and down to the lower part of land so that we will have more space for our things and full access to the driveway.

So yeah I am definatley looking forward to my new home, it is the most peaceful and relaxing places I have found on earth. I'm also looking forward to being able to see Adam all week long instead of just the weekends.

I already have a few possibilitys for jobs up there. But untill I get a job started we will have quite a bit of money coming in on Monday, which is when I am going to be selling my car, so I can pay it off and also have atleast 3,000 left over, which some will go towards december's rent and the rest we are going to save. We might spend a little of it on a good used lap top or something. I would like to get the internet hooked up out there. And I'm hoping I can get back in to WoW again. Allthough I will probably not play nearly as much as I use to. I've been quite happy with my life style lately of having no tv or internet. I have read several books already and I've been writing more and singing and playing my guitar and drums.

Anyways untill later on today I am going to be hanging out on this sailboat of our friends. It is actually pretty big with two bathrooms and three sleeping areas. This was my first time sleeping on a boat and it was pretty excitintg. I mean the beds are pretty tiny but the feeling of the water just lulls you to sleep. I might actually take an afternoon nap here in a little while after I find something to eat for breakfast.

I'm hoping most of my friends if not all of them will be able to come visit us at some point in the next few months. Adam is completly excited for the kitchen because he use to be a top chef for the last like ten plus years, SO he cooks reeeeaaaaalllly good meals. I've had a few so far, but he likes cooking big meals for a bunch of people. We already have one dinner planned for Adam's boss and his GF to come over because Adam's boss is spending all day today working on my van and fixing the breaks for me. My mom has lent me her mini van for the last month while my car has been in the shop, but now since weve decided to sell the car, I will just keep using the van. But the break light has been on forever and the breaks have been really bad the last week. I guess I only had ONE working break and no break fluid and all these parts are worn out or fallen off!!! so I could of easily killed someone, which is scary. and I've been really freaked out driving it down steep hills cuz its harder to get it to stop. Anyways all that mess should be fixed by tonight which is good, cuz we will need the van for the next two weeks to move stuff from Dave's house in seattle and from my storage unit.

Okay I guess that is enough for me to right about for now. I'm going to go look for something in the kitchen to eat and I will be updating again soon I hope.

oh and Ahsan my little "live journal commenter" I am not afraid of you or what you have to say it is just really stupid and annoying to have to read a ba gillion comments from you that are all basically saying the same thing about how crappy of a person I am. I would just rather delete them and not even read them anymore because I've heard it from you PLENTY of times and I dont need anymore of your shit! You can think what you want I do not care.

Just a quick update...

So Adam and I have moved back to Seattle we are living in Georgetown again. I was doing great at my job and loving it! They even wanted me to become the lead toddler teacher and give me a raise. Well that all went down hill when I got in a car accident last thursday. I went into work Friday and that following Monday. But the soreness of the accident really started kicking in by tuesday so I went to a doctor to get it checked out. It looks like I didnt break or sprain anything but I really missed up my muscles they are all very tense and so I have to do physical therapy for awhile and I'm going to have to find a different kind of job. Something less physical.

SOOO that sucks..

My car looks like it will be fixable, my car insurance is paying for my dr appointment and PT appointments PLUS they will give me 85% of my paychecks untill I'm able to work again. I'm thinking of doing a job for a travel agency or secretary at a veterinary clinic or something like that. Plus I'm going to go back to school to get a degree in american sign language and translating it so that I can work for schools doing that!

Adam and I are doing well. We came over to Eastern WA this weekend to visit his parents. It has been fun and they gave us our christmas presents early. Adam got ALL kinds of tools whcih will help a lot with his timber framing apprenticeship. I got this beautiful lavendar candle set and really yummy bath things.

Anyways I should get off the computer and hang out with the family

I will update again soon!

Love, Becca

It is times like these in our lives when we find out who are friends are.

I'm really happy. My family is really happy for me. And if people really do think I'm a horrible person than please just let me go, I dont want to be in someones life who doesnt see me as a good person. Because I know I am a wonderful person despite my flaws. No body is perfect!

But yeah, I've been doing good. I've been on top of everything. Money, Work, Meds, Cleaning, Laundry, taking care of my dogs, and myself.

I havent watched television in MONTHS! That is how great things are. My life has been soo nice lately. Adam comes home and we just spend time together talking, being together, reading together. We dont have time to watch tv or anything like that because we are so involved with just enjoying our time together. I also have hardly been on the internet either. I just come to the library when I get a chance. Which probably wont be as often once I start work next week.

I'm just tired of allowing negative influnces into my life. Negative comments from people on livejournal or just negative talk to myself. I am doing good and that is all I need to know.

Alright, I'm going to take off now and get back home. I'm still not sure what is going to be happening this weekend. I had heard from Si yesterday and he was going to try to get a few people together to come camping, Adam is working on Saturday so I'm not sure if that will happen or not. I might end up heading out towards seattle to visit people or I might end up hanging out with Adrianne or Jen or someone over here taking the dogs to the dog park and taking pictures at the beach! I cant wait to get my own computer so I can post all the pictures I've been taking lately!!

Once I pick up my Eisle from my dad's house I'm going to work on my paintings. There are many artists around here and places to sell artwork. I'm not sure if I will sell anything or if I will just do it for fun and relaxation.

I will update later!

<3 Becca

Back to Work!
So, this past week I have been pretty busy! Last Friday I had a job interview at a daycare on Bainbridge called "First Years" I looove the daycare it is really nice and tons of really great workers. I went in on Monday for my training day. They said that everyone said I was great I worked in the toddler room the whole day with 18 months to 24 months. The kids were really good!!!! I Loved it! Two of the little kids attached themselves to me right away.

It felt soo good to work. I talked with my manager on Tuesday and she is letting me have the rest of the week off to take care of things, like finding a place to move, getting my TB test and other paperwork together for the job. I was thinking we would be moving this weekend but it looks like we will wait untill October 1st. This last weekend was really fun and busy!

On Saturday Adam and I went to an 80's Party at one of his friend's house it was right on the water with a wonderful view of seattle, the space needle and everything! I basically danced the whole night, probably for about five hours. It was a lot of fun. I got about ten other girls to join me, we were up on the porch behind this screen they had put up with a black light behind it so you could just see our shadows on the screen, and we danced to TONS of eighties music.

I had my hair SO big I teased and hairsprayed it for about an hour! so it looked pretty great. Than Jen gave me a "Queen" band t shirt to wear which I wore with my tight worn out looking black jeans and my black converse. Adam wore a kiss teeshirt with all kinds of fake marker tattoos of various band names all over his body.

There was a lot of really nice people there and about 6 different dogs! I am glad I didnt bring mine though because the yard went right up to this cliff that wasnt fenced off and one of the biggest dogs who looked like a rottie mix fell down it! I heard her whimpering down there and tried to find her owner. I asked Adam if he knew where his friend was who owned the dog and told him what happened and he just went straight down there almost fell a few times and rescued the dog! it took him about an hour and a ton of people telling him not to go down there cuz he could fall and really hurt himself. It was really sweet and couragous though.

Than the rest of the weekend we spent with Adam's whole family. His parents came out saturday night and we had a huge bbq on sunday with a ton of his relatives. One of his aunts plays the guitar and sings and she was soo good! Some of the songs made us cry!

So anyways I know I have been out of touch with everyone. I want you to all know that I am doing really good! I have a really nice job, a great boyfriend, I LOOOOOVE LOVE LOVE it here!!!! it is sooo beautiful and everyone is soo nice! I should have my own house soon and soon after that the internet again. I am at the library right now. I should get going and check my emails and what not. But all of you can give me a call anytime!



OH this weekend were probably going camping if anyone wants to join us!



Love, Beckers

I still do not have acess to internet besides the library. This time however I am at the Bainbridge Library, not Seattle.

Sooo let me explain...

A few nights before I was supposed to move our friend Adam came over to hang out with Dave and I. Adam use to live in the house in Georgetown for the last ten years. He just moved back to Poulsbo where he had grown up. That night Adam and I had soo much fun. We went on a walk and he picked me a whole boquet of flowers as we walked thru Georgetown. Later that night we went to the 9LB which is the popular bar. We stayed up all night long talking untill he had to leave in the morning to go to work.

I know I said in a previous entry to not let me start dating again. Adam and I fell for each other right away. I kept telling him that I wasnt ready for a relationship, but on the other hand it felt so right just being there with him. Soo anyways we decided to keep in touch and he planned on taking me out for dinner and a play the following weekend.

Well on Tuesday when I was suppose to move into my house in Seatac, I called the landlord several times all morning and she didnt answer. So about two I picked up Nohn and we drove over to the house. When we knocked on the door the "previous" renters were still living there. I told them how I was supposed to be moving in that day and about how I talked with the landlord Jessica and everything. The guy was really nice and he explained to me how he just got a notice the previous week that the house was going under forclosure and that it would be sold in October!

So, I was pretty pissed. I was supposed to be out of the house that day because the new renter for my room was moving in. I packed up everything that day and got a Uhaul and Nohn and Dave helped me load it up. That night I slept on the floor of my old room with my sleeping bag, but I got hardly any sleep. That night Adam called me and I told him about everything that was going on. He said I could come stay with him and his Brother in Poulsbo. Soo the next day Adam's good friend Ian came on the ferry and met me and helped me move all of my stuff to storage and than we drove back to Poulsbo.

That night I met up with Adam at his friend's Cameron and Jennifer's house. There house is great! it is on acres of land in Silverdale. They have a HUGE garden and really big firepit. That night we had a bon fire and I was able to let my dogs run loose for hours. It was some of the MOST fun I have ever had. I have been feeling SOO free and happy. I have had not had any anxiety at all.

Adam and I are both really happy together. We know that we are going to get married and have kids some day. Right now though we are working on saving up money. I've been busy running around applying for jobs. I have a very good potential position at a daycare in Bainbridge. They have infant-5 year olds. The place is very nice and very clean.

Adam and I have also been busy looking for a house to rent. We have a good possiblity of this house in Kingston that is 1,000 a month which has four bedrooms so we would share with his friend Sam and Sam's son. Which would only make rent 250 for each of us. Which will give us plenty of left over money to save up. Were hoping to save atleast 500 dollars a month.

So anyways. I just wanted you to all know that I am doing great! I have met the man of my DREAMS!! and I love living out here, everyday is like a vacation it is soo beautiful!! Once we get a house to rent I want to have a big party and all of you will have to come! This Saturday Adam and I will be in town for Rowan's birthday party so I can see all of you then!

Untill then I hope all of you are doing great and I will try to keep posted! you can always call me on my cell.

<3Becca

So my one month in Georgetown has definatley had its ups and downs. I have been Jobless for most of the ending of the month, but I have managed to get by with help from friends and family.

I was pretty sick about two weeks ago and became so dehydrated I had to go to the E.R. to get some fluids put in me. I went to Harborview and I had to wait five hours to be seen. But it was worth it. I felt tons better afterwards and was given antibiotics for my sore throat which must of been strep even though it didnt come back positive. Because it was one of the worst sore throats I ever have had. After about two days of taking the antibiotics It cleared up fine. I'm still finishing up the meds though. I also was given some pain meds to handle the sore throat pain and my body aches whiched helped.

Anyways now after a month of living in my new place my roomate/sorta landlord guy Dave has decided he wants me to move out because my dogs cause to much of a problem. Well mainly Dakota not Bear, he adores Bear. There is a lot more too it, and I'm pretty pissed because he only gave me a few days notice to pack up find a new place and leave or to get RID of Dakota. Which I could never do. ANYWAYS...

My mom found a place on craigslist for me. It is a three bedroom house in Seatac area, which is fairly close to Georgetown. It is only available for two months as of now, but it is cheap, HUGE yard with a fence, pretty good sized house, and I dont have to live with strangers!!!! It is only 650 a month So I'm actually going to help out a couple of my friends I have made over the last month and rent out the two other bedrooms to them, so my rent will actually only end up being around 200 dollars. So for two months of living I will spend about 400 bucks.

I'm not going to bother with hooking up internet or anything unless the rental becomes available for a longer period of time. Today I just got myself set up with a seattle public library card so I will be close to a library and can stop in to use the internet when I need to, which is what I am doing now.

Tonight I am meeting up with the woman who is renting the house to sign the rental agreement and give her the first month's rent and deposit. Monday my place will be open for me to move in because the previous renters are still working on moving out. If ANYONE is available this weekend, I know its Bumbershoot and all that and Labor day weekend so probably most of you have plans; but if any of you would be able to come help me move over the weekend please let me know I could use all the help I can get so I can get it done as quickly as possible. My current living situation has become somewhat un comfortable.

My next step is getting a job and finding a more permanent home. So over the next two months I will search craigslist and things like that for good possibilitys that will be available in November. I would like to find a place I can stay in for atleast six months possibly a year. I am SOO sick and tired of packing and moving and having to adjust myself and my pets to the new living arrangements.

Yesterday I had a job interview at Starbucks which went very well, I should be getting a call back in the next couple of days to see if I have the job or not. If not than theres TONS of job oppurtunitys for me in the seatac area. There is the south center mall, all kinds of dog boarding/daycare places, and a Aaron Brother's I could maybe get back into doing framing.



Anyways that is all for now, I'm going to go see if they have any Francessca Lia Block books here for me to check out.



Alia: tell that child of yours to COME OUT!!!!!!!!!!



okay I will hopefully get a chance to update soon with in the next week!



Chao!



Becca

Soo things have been going kinda down hill lately but somehow I have been keeping my chin up. I guess it is the only thing I can do at the moment to continue surviving.

Basically the last week went like this, My manager informs me that her MS is getting really bad and that she cant handle working anymore and that if I knew more about grooming she would definatley have me stay and take over but since I dont know enough I cant. She suggested going to Masers grooming school. Which would be cool accept I need like a few thousand dollars.

Than Monday night I started getting really sick, fever, sorethroat, body aches. So Tuesday I went in to the doctor and got some meds I also stopped by Laurie's to get my paycheck for the previous week but she didnt have it ready and said to call her later that week. SO thursday I called her and she said she would mail it to me. WELL it hasnt come yet. So today I have my THIRD dr appointment of the week I have to go get some blood drawn so I'm going to stop by Lauries and see what the heck is going on because I have been completly flat broke for the last TWO weeks. I guess it doesnt matter too much since I cant afford grocerys but I have no appetite what so ever cuz of my throat and everytime I do eat I puke it back up again.

I'm basically really really sick right now, I dont want to go too much into it untill I get all my test results finished and even then I willl probably only talk to a select few people about it.

So after this dr appointment I go in again in a week. and between than and now I am going to start LOOKING very hard for a new job. I have an interview tomorrow at another dog grooming place really close to my house. Other than that I'm just going to look at places close by to my house, there is a starbucks and a few other places really close by that are hiring.

Ok, well that is all I have for now to update about. Like I said I dont really want to get into much of it at the moment. I'm dealing with a WHOLE LOT at the moment, and once I have a better understanding about everything that is happening I can explain more.



I hope everyone is doing well, and I really do hope that some of you come visit me sometime. I would come visit you guys but as it is I have NO money for gas or anything. Today I borrowed my mom's van to take to the doctor and to pick up some furniture.



I will update again soon!



<3 Becky

So yesterday I had to start from scatch and look for places to live. I was kinda thinking I should just find a cheap place to live by myself. Since living with a stranger can turn out to not be such a good idea. So I searched and searched for several hours yesterday. All I could find in my price range was apartments and they all seemed pretty ghetto too, plus I cant have my dogs there. I mean they allowed dogs but I really need a yard for my dogs.

So finally I decied just to look for places with roomates again just to see if there was any new posts. After about a half an hour of that I found a post for a house in Georgetown that allowed pets, had a fenced in landscaped backyard that is dog friendly. So I decided to give the person a call. At first I almost wanted to just hang up cuz the person on the other and was a man. I talked to him for awhile and told him my situation. I told him how I was really nervous about living with another man because I just got out of a relationship and because of the creep I almost moved in with the day before.

He completly understood, Than he told me, and hon you dont have to worry about me I am gay! and he told me how he is 57 and lives in the downstairs part of the house, and where my bedroom would be is on the upper floor, we would share the living room and kitchen and all that but he is pretty much at work all the time so I wouldnt see him much. So that was a big releif. And you could obviously tell that he is gay by how he was talking and everything.

So we decided to meet up so I could take a look at the house. I had never been to georgetown or heard of it. But it is about 25 minutes from my house when there is no traffic. (which is fine cuz my commute I will be driving the opposite way of the traffic) The town is awesome! It is like an artsy hip hippyish area of seattle. Sorta like freemont but more houses and parks instead of shopping. There are coffe shops and things like that with in walking distance though.

So I got there and Dave was outside working in the yard. I met his old roomates that were moving out. They are all a bunch of really laid back hippy stoners. The house smells of nag champa and has instruments, art, and books. It is a really neat old house that has a really nice sized living room and lots of windows!

The yard OH my god the yard it is like your own little paradise. Dave has been living there for fifteen years, he is really big and into the community, everyone knows him and every summer they have a huge georgetown parade type thing where they have open yard and art exibits. People come by to tour his back yard. It is full of all kinds of beautiful plants and smells soo sweet there is a huge lilac tree. There is also a really pretty koy pond with a little waterfall going into it.

Being in the backyard is like being on a mini vacation to a tropical island or something. And everyone in the neighborhood is really nice and they all know each other. They have partys (not wild highschool or college type parties) But he has had live bands come play and a lot of the neighbors come over sometimes and play music together. Two blocks from his house there is a guy who lives there who is actually friends with this man named Chad who is looking into renting out the other upstairs befroom and I met him and he is reallhy cool. ANyways his friend has a HUGE outdoor projector and everyweekend in the summer people go over there and watch movies and have a big bbq.

This place is like tottaly ME. Art, food, music, movies, beautifl yards, and parks, coffee shops and lots of hip bars and restaurants. Not the ghetto nasty kinda everett bars but like really mellow laid back bars. From what I have heard about the community atleast. I didnt go bar hopping or anything like that I just hung out at the house and met all kinds of new people.

So anyways things seemed to be going reallhy good and Dave gave me all his information so my mom or whoever can do a backround check on him if they would like to. So I asked if I could come back in about an hour and bring the dogs by to see how they got along with his dog and see how they liked it there.

So I went back around 8. I ended up staying and hanging out with Dave and Chad for like four hours! we all three hung out in the back most of the time with the dogs and just talked about ALL kinds of things, relationships, movies, music, politics, spiritual beleis, cultures, food. OH MAN it was soo great, I havent had talks like that in I dunno HOW long. Probably not since I use to hang out with my stoner hippy friends back in highschool.

And I am totaly fine being around pot users, It is all they do and a lot of the people who live around there are that way. I feel comfortable around those kind of people, I just dont like pot because it makes me anxoius. But on the weekends we can have get togethers and drink or whatever. Dave said the house is very open, and that anyone is welcome. So any of my family or friends are allowed over anytime to just hang out and enjoy the area. Have good talks, bon fires, sit in the pond on hot days, listen to music, play music, whatever. Sooo yeah I'm excited!



I feel like I'm going to be living a life similar to the lives of people in Francessca Lia Blocks books! Oh and Alia!! Dave reminds me A lot of Si's dad accept he is gay ofcourse.



I think a lot of my friends will like it here! and hopefully this weekend some of you can come hang out.



I am staying there tonight I am just bringing over some basic stuff and I will move in my furniture and stuff later this week when I can get some help moving it.

But yeah I'm pretty happy. I mean I'm scared as hell to be single again but at the same time I think this is the perfect time for it in my life. and I think I have truley needed this sort of thing. I need to just focus on myseolf, learn new things, and meet new people, and stay up for hours just having amazing fun talks!



Okay that is all for now!! I will update again soon once I get settled into my place.



<3 Becca

Well I feel freaking STUPID!!!!
All day I've just been SOO excited to move out and couoldnt because I needed money first which my mom said she could help me with but not untill the first. SO in the meanwhile after I have packed up TONS of my crap. My mom's fiancee Philip did a backround check on this guy, annnd yeah Everyone was FREAKING right he has a current criminal record!!!! It didnt say what for but I dont think I even want to know anymore. I just feel tricked and deceived and I feel like I cant trust my gut anymore. What the hell???? I feel soo embarassed and pissed at myself and all kinds of things arg.

Oh yeah and this supposed church he goes to is some freaking evangelical anti gay church even if he didnt have a criminal record that right there would make me NOT want to live with him.

UGGGGHHH I am pissed

anyways I'm going over to mike and mikes to possibly drink me some mikes. I have been up since 7 30 this morning packing and just being busy like I have been all week. I need to just go have some fun and relax. Tomorrow I will get back to looking for places to rent. and this time I will be MUCH more cautious EVEN if they seem like a great person.



I feel like such an ass!

So, I am almost positive I have found a place to live!!!! The last few days everynight after work I've just been searching on various websites for houses to rent or rooms to rent from someone. It has been hard. Alot of people are VERY picky and especially when it comes to pets.

So today I saw a post on craigs list for a pet friendly house in bothell with a room to rent for 700 dollars which includes utilities. Well After calling and emailing a few other people about some possible places. I talked with this guy named Joseph who is renting out the room. (yeah I know its kidna weird cuz my ex is named Joe)

Anyways I asked him about the house, I wanted to make sure it was dog friendly and when I called he was actually at a dog park with HIS dog who is a blue heeler that is ten months old. Blue heelers are ausstrailian hearding dog just like dakota and bear's dad who was an aussie shepard. Anyways I told him about my situation with Joe and how I am hoping to move as soon as I find the right place.

He told me He would be home around seven and I could stop by to check out the house and bring the dogs along to introduce them to his dog to make sure they get along.



OMG wow!

The yard is great! It is VERY private, feels like you are out in the woods camping just all kinds of plants and tress everywhere. a HUGE front deck that he is working on rebuilding, The location is awesome it is a little farther away fcrom wehre I would of liked to live, which would of been close to my work, but it isnt too bad because it will only be a thirty minute commute. Which is much better than being stuck in traffic for an hour plus going to bellevue.

All the houses in the area are older, pretty large all with HUGE like I mean acres of land theres like pastures and farms and horses and stuff. It is near Thrasher's corner mill creek area, but its IN bothell. So the feel of it feels like you are out away from the city and everything but in reality you are really close to everything the freeways shopping and all that.

He has a huge gate in the front that I had him close up before I let the dogs out to run around introduce to his puppy. OH man the dogs were haivng SOOOOOOOOOOO much freaking fun! They got a long really well, accept a few times his dog Lincoln and one of mine Dakota fought over a toy. But once dakota has his own toys there I'm sure that wouldnt be a problem. Plus when you have a group of three dogs they have to figure out the whole dominancy issues cuz three dogs makes a pack.

So he showed me ALL of the outside while the dogs just ran around. Which took, like seroiusly 20 minutes to walk around all of the property. In the back there is a really large dog run we can keep the dogs in while we are gone for the day. Which will be MUCH better for my dogs than being couped up in the bedroom all day! There is a huge area where Joseph is building a fire pit to have campfires and stuff.

So as we were walking around outside we talked alot about ourselves. When I had talked to him on the phone he sounded like a really cool guy who was probably in his mid twenties aswell., When I saw him I realized oh he must be in his early 30's NO come to find out he is 47!! well, he doesnt look that old AT ALL or act it either. I mean he isnt immature or anything but he doesnt seem 47. That is one thing I was like oh crap my dad is going to NOT like that idea of me living with an older man even though it isnt a romantical thing or anything like that.

My dad has the beleifs that you can only relate to people with in like a five year age group of your age. Well so far in my life I have really great friends who range from ten years younger than me up to 20+ years older than me.

So anyways after we walked around outside he showed me the tour of the house. When you walk in theres a pretty big oepn kitchen and a huge dining room area with a fireplace to the left. The feel of this house is like you are out in a cabin on a retreat! I felt so peaceful while I was there like I was on vacation from my hectic life. Now that is how a house SHOULD feel! It was like with in minutes of arriving just the atmosphere made me feel soo relaxed and content.

SO than he showed me the living room which is down the hall and it is very big with a fireplace, and three skylight windows and than three large windows along one wall that look outside to the beautiful trees and everything. Than he showed me around the rest of the house, and through all of this we were just talking about ALL kinds of stuff. Our beleifs, which is exactly the same its almost CREEPY! than we went over our interests and music and movies stuff like that and it was verrrry alike aswell. We were like finishing each other's sentances. I felt like I had known this person for YEARS.

It was crazy I was SOO scared to go meet this random person who is a male off the internet and I just felt it in my gut that I can truly trust this person. It is the same way I feel with my boss Laurie though. I feel SOO happy and a peace when I'm at work and her and I will talk for hours. I will end up staying there like hour to three hours at times after I'm done working just talking.

So my room is very big bigger than the room I have now with a good sized closet. We will have to share a bathroom cuz there is only one but it is a pretty big bathroom with TONS of counter top space and cabinets. OH and theres a really big laundry room which is like bigger than my kitchen! with brandnew washer aned dryer.

I guess he has been working on the house, he will be replacing the bathroom flooring and doing a lot of work outside and I told him how I love doing yard work and how it helps with my anxiety and depression.

We ended up sitting on the floor of the living room for like a half an hour just talking and playing with our dogs.

OH and another CRAZY thing. Bear, my very skittish dog who is especially scared of men and will grow at them and hide from them. He went RIGHT up to him and was licking him and just acting like a normal dog. And I was like WOW it was a total shock to me. If any of you know bear you would probably be suprised aswell.

We talked more about our past and job situations and all that. I guess a few years ago he had a son that died in a car accident. And back when he was my age he use to be into drugs, alcohol and smoking. He has been clean for 17 years ever since his son was born. So he wants a drug free house. and I told him how that would be no problem cuz I dont do drugs. And I told him I drink occasionaly but I dont have to drink at the house, but he said its fine if I want to just not if I'm like a drunk, and he is fine being around people who drink he just doesnt do it anymore. So I think that is really cool.

So basically this feels like the right place for me right now. I just felt it in my gut that this was perfect! And he told me how he felt really comfortable with me living there and I could move in whenever I liked. So all I need to do is come up with 700 dollars for the first payment. He would like me to pay him before moving in. So we planned on meeting up tomorrow evening for me to start moving stuff in. Which is good cuz I have a lot of packing to do. I wont be able to move all of my stuff this weekend but I can move my bed and furniture and clothes and dishes and stuff like that. My brother John is going to help me move, and I have my mom's van here which I can use to move the big stuff.

I told my dad about the situation.. That was kinda dissapointing he sounded REALLY worried about it. I tried telling him how I have a really good sense of people and that he should be able to trust my judgemnt but he doesnt. He thinks it is weird because Joseph is like the same age as him.

So that really upset me, I told Joe about it and he said it sounded great as long as I really do feel that I can trust my gut on this guy. He didnt really like the idea of me living with a man but ohwell...

I need to make desicions on my own and figure out what is right for me. It is hard though when two people I really look to for trust and reasurrance do not trust me. My dad is just more of a thinker and I'm a feeler. I go with my feelings.

So I called my mom to ask her what I should do and told her everything I knew about the guy and all aobut the place I will be living and she and philip both say I should go with my gut. I knew she would understand more., She might also come over there to meet him tomorrow and see the place and the dogs and stuff.

So basically right now I am moving tomorrow as long as I can find someone to lend me 700 dollars because I do not have the money YET, However with in a month I will have over that much. Between my two jobs I will be easily making at least 1200 a month and once I start grooming for good I will be making at the grooming shop alone about 1600 a month.

So my future is looking VERY bright for me, I'm going to have money, jobs that I LOVE, a home that I will love, an awesome roomate, and finally be able to just be ME and only worry about ME and my puppys ofcourse.

My mom said she is going to see what she can do about helping me with the money situation, I am just going to hope that everything works out okay and that tomorrow I will have a new home!!!!!!!!

If any of you would like to or would be willing to help me move tomorrow that would be MUCH appreciated!!!! So far its just john and I and possibly my mom.

thanks!



Love, Becca

So last night I was up super late just searching on roomates.com and other sites for places to live, and Joe and I were talking for awhile. So this morning When I woke up I was SOOOOO tired, I have been Soo busy the last few days and waking up at 6:45 every morning. So when the alarm went off this morning I sooo did not want to get up and go to work! I was planning on just calling laurie and telling her I was just mentally and physically exausted and asking if I could have the day off since we had only five dogs coming in. But I got up, as I was walking down the hall my body was sooo tired and sore I was like stumbling like a drunk. I sat down on the couch with the lap top and checkd livejournal, myspace, and emails, and than I decided well, maybe I could go to work if I made myself a cup of coffee. So I made a cup of coffee drank that down and it gave me a litle buzz and I decied OKAY screw it I just going to Deal with it, I need this job and I like it, I will only feel tired for a little while. In the past that is something I could have NEVER EVER get myself to do. I mean I was SOOOOOOO freaking tired and sore almost felt like the flu!


As I got in my car I was just in shock, I kept thinking ohh I bet I will just go back home and go back to bed. But no I drove to work and got there and as SOON as I walked in I felt a million times better! Even though I have only gotten a total of like ten or tweleve hours the last two nights. Today at work went really smoothly it almost felt like I had been there a few weeks already but in reality it has been just THREE days. Well two before today. I bathed EVERYONE today and dried them all by myself with out lauries supervision and I did great! She did however help me puff dry this big standard black poodle cuz his hair was REALLY coarse and curly so it was REALLY hard to straighten out even Laurie had a hard time with it, it took the two of us actually to do it.

OHH and before washing him Laurie was showinng me how to groom a poodle, she wanted me to learn how to do just their paws. Cuz with poodles you shave all the hair off of there feet both top and bottom

Here is a pic of how it should look...




So, Laurie showed me how to do it on one of the front paws and wanted me to do the other three but to have her look it over after I did the first one to make sure I would be able to do all three with out screwing it up too bad.

So I do the paw and than was like okay I'm done come take a look. Laurie was like oh isnt that the pay I did? and I was like um no you did that one and showed her. She was just in SHOCK she just kept saying this is PERFECT it is SOOO PERFECT! and she just kept saying how great it looked and that she has seen soo many other groomers who have been grooming for years and they didnt even do that good of a job. Plus I didnt even cut him! : )

So after that she decided to have me do his face too! she started the face and just showed me the outline and what not to do and stuff. So I did most of the face and I guess I did really good with that too. SO it looks like I'm going to be starting grooming sooner than three months. Which means that will help laurie out a lot, AND I wil be making better money even sooner. So since we only had five dogs today and I got everything done so fast I was able to leave at two today.

So after work I went to sundance to pick up my checks and hang out for a bit with Alia and Sarah. It was soooo much fun seeing them. And I realized how GLAD I am to be not working there. I mean I miss the kids like crazy but I realized HOW stressed and just exaushted everyone looks and acts. And I realized since I stopped working there I havent felt like that in SOOO long. I mean that is a very physically and emotionally demanding job! People in childcre, especially ones taking care of infants and toddlers should be getting paid atleast DOULBLE what they make!


After that I went and cashed my checks than headed to the mall with Brit and Matt. I got some cute pj's that were half off at the bon and afterwards I went to a nail place and got my toenails painted and got some acrylic nails. I think they are ugly and tacky but HEY I figured I need to just be more girly and take care of myself I got them really short so they arent TOO horribly tacky looking, they actually look nice. And I am hoping they will help with my job. Like with scrubbing the dogs and stuff. I hope they DONT get in the way of cutting nails and grooming and brushing. I think it might be awkwward at first but I could get use to it. Laurie's nailes are pretty long but they are natural and very prety. If I could get my nails to grow out like that I would take better care of them but my nails are shitty and brittle. But if they end up getting too much in the way i will just have to chop them off or something.

OK well now I'm gonna go spend time with my doggies and than get to bed.

Two more days of work and than its my weekend, Sunday and Monday, and than one of those nights I will probably be starting at blockbuster!!

OH yeah I think it would be fun to go out on a friend date! with any of my friends male or female. I just want to get out and do something fun, nothing romantical or anything just something fun.
Oh and I'm also planning on taking Ben to see the Simpson's movie on Sunday if anyone would care to join us please let me know!!

thanks!

Love, Becca

Maybe it is true what they say about your "golden year" I'm coming close to my golden year. I was born Dec. 24th and I will be 24 this year! So far I just LOOOVE my new job at the dog grooming place! I will insert and earlier blog I posted about that from my myspace...

I m feeling better. I got off work at 5:30 I could of left at 2 cuz I was all done by then, but I hung out and cleaned up a lot for laurie and I just watched her groom some of the dogs and we talked for hour It is great! she is SOO easy to talk to and we get along so well! we work together realy well and get along really wel too! And she is SOO understanding and gives great advice!

I told her today about my situation with Joe. And we talked about that for awhile. I guess her boyfriend she is living with now they were together 13 years ago, he left and moved to texas and they both dated around but always kept in touch and now they are back together and have been together for two years. She is 41. So that was kinda cool. I really doubt that is what will happen with Joe and I but I'm sure we are going to stay friends.

I Loooooove how I smell after work! I smell like yummy shampooy clean stuff! You would think bathing dogs would be a disgusting and stinky job, But most of the time you are working on the dogs is after you have cleaned them. and the whole shop just smells like yummyness. Unless you have a fat cat in there who is SOO fat it cant even clean itself the owners just let crap and i mean litterally crap get stuck to its butt we had to shave it all off!

Yeah that was quite smelly. Poor cat!

Last night I freaked out and was bawling my head off and feeling angry. I think it is okay though. I mean it is normal for me to be feeling these emotions, and atleast I am able to feel them and let them out at appropriate times.

So for the next week or so I am stlil planning on staying here at the house with Joe untill I have earned some money. I'm looking through classifieds and rental websites for houses to rent daily. SO I have a few possiblities. It is going to be MUCH harder to find somewhere affordable AND a place I can go beacuse of the dogs and everything. But it will be worth the wait, not matter how hard it is.

It would be nice to move out with some people I already know, but most of my friends are married or in serious relatoinships or in apartments or both. SOO that wouldnt work.

So I will just keep looking, and hey maybe it would be a good experience meeting new people and it might actually be easier living with someone who wasnt previously a friend.

So far I am just loving my job, I'm not making much money now, but eventually once I start grooming which will be another two months probably. I will be able to make atleast 100 -150 dollars a day. Right now I am only roughing and bathing so I'm making like 30-50 a day. Which isnt HORRIBLE but not that great either. BUT, I am also getting training from a woman who has been grooming for over twenty years so its like I'm getting free schooling aswell. So I think it evens it self out. I've been learning SO much the past two days, and I've also been doing really well. I feel very confident in everything I'm doing even though I am very new to it. So that tells me that this is something I am meant to do, I dont know if it means I am meant to groom forever but atleast for the time being it is wha tI need in my life and what some of those poor animals need! : )

Okay, well I'm gonna go play with my puppys and feed everyone and than look for more rental places! I will update more soon!

I hope tonight I dont get all weepy again, and hopefully I will fall asleep at a decent time.

<3 Becca

Soo that was earlier today...

About five minutes after writing that I got a call from Blockbuster. I saw blockbuster on the caller ID and was like WTF? Untill I remembered that a few weeks ago when I started looking for jobs I had applied at the blockuster website. So I was like well screw it I already have a job and I like it so I hit ignore. Than I quickly thought HEY! blockbuster is a video store, they are open utill like 11 or midnight so I could possibly work there. Laurie is so flexible and everything. Plus she is closed sunday and monday and I am done with work by mid afternoon-early evening I could definatley pull of a second job if i worked evenings.

SOOOO I answered the phone. The guy sounded so dissapointed when I told him I have a job. Than I said well, what times would you need someone for. He said he needs a Shift Leader from 6-close 4-5 days a week. I told him that I would be able to do that and he said great, asked me a few quetions and than asked me to come in with in the hour for an interview!

So I hopped in the shower and got all nice and purrty and went in for my interview. Part of me, being all single like I am now I was thinking HMM maybe this guy will be sexaaay! Not that I would date anyone I work with but you know sometimes its nice to have a good looking person to look at every day.

I pulled up and was like OH CRAP cuz he was this middle aged fat guy, But hey its better that way. It could get akward having attractions towards a coworker.

haha I dont know why I just wrote about all of that but ANYWAYS

My interview went great! He was actually instead of asking me typical interview questions was asking me advice on how to make the store better and how to help the CSR's do more upselling. Cuz I guess he just took over managment of this store and has had to basically re hire a whole new team and train them. He said that it was a mess both employee wise and the way the store was. So He is really excited to have me there, since I have video store xp(yeah wow talk) and I like selling, and talking with customers and leadership!

So I am like in shock basically right now how GOOD things are going in the career sense. Both of my new managers are VERY laid back and understanding. I'm learning a lot of new skills from Laurie. She actually is looking for someone to train (most likely me cuz she really likes me so far) to take over her business. She is 41 and has MS so she is just really tired all of the time and just needs to take a break and get into a nother job. She wants to go back to Asthetician or however the heck you spell it, anyways she has a degree in where you work on peoples skin. SO that would be much easier on her body and she can work on her clients owners and I could take over her work and pick up all of her clients. Which she has A LOT and ofcourse they would come to me because Laurie is going to train me to groom just like she does.

SOOO with this new Leadership position which the manager says he can see me becoming and assistant manager really soon once I get back into the swing of things. I will be learning my grooming skills from Laurie and getting practice at Blockbuster using leadership and selling skills.

So things look PRETTY positive in that aspect of my life.

Next steps...

Find a place to move to!

I need a house to rent with a nice sized FENCED back yard for my doggies to run around in. Money wise things are looking up so I could actually maybe afford a house of my own to rent instead of needing to move in with roomies.

Next step... while I'm already working on some of these things...

Focus on ME, just work on making myself better, physically, mentally, and spiritually. And al of that will help me recover from this heart break.

and some day, well this isnt in my control but SOMEDAY meet the right guy for me, get hitched, and pop out a couple kids OR adopt. but that is going to be atleast a year down the line I would accpect.

IF I end up meeting some guy FAR too soon before you guys think I am ready for it TELL ME!!!!!!

KICK ME IN THE ASS OR SOMEHTING!

I want to be soo much more ready than I was before I got with Joe, I want to be doing really good for myself before I do that.

I mean I might have a few dates but NOTHING seroius untill I am REALLY READY!!

okay thanks for listening to my happy babble

I hope it will continue for my sake!

Love,

Becca

Okay soo, yesterday, I packed a few things and went to my dad's planning on staying with him for awhile untill I had money to live on my own. Well I could NOT sit still at my dad's All I wanted to do was just go back to "my home" In the past going over to "my parents" house was very comforting it had a familiar scent to it and feel.

Well since a year ago when my dad decided he wanted a divorce, and my dad is now living in the house, He has taken ALL of my mom's belongings and stuck them in a storage unit, or in the garage or my old bedroom. He has gotten all new carpets downstairs, all new furniture, all new dishes and silverware. I'm use to eating over there off of either my parents white and worn wedding dishes with their wedding silverware, OR off of one of the old and worn tupperware "kid's plate" But now it is retro 70's brown dishes from my dad's parents.

It is just all the small details that really do affect me. Like, there are NO family pictures what so ever, accept on top of the fireplace is a picture of John and I when I was three and he was a baby. The walls in the family room are just white and stark with NOTHING accept a cork board with some of Ben's various cartoons he draws.

Anyways, Back to what happend. SO I felt uncomfortable at my Dad's place, I could go ON and ON with like a book of all the tiny little things that have changed there and that arent comforting what so ever. But that isnt really what I am here to write about.

Now on an emotional level. My dad has never liked Dog's he reallly doesnt like them. Well Mine and Joe's dogs are like OUR kids. Not many people can understand that accept some dog owners. So not only am I missing my house and Joe, but I'm missing all of my pets, ESPECIALLY my dogs. I have the biggest emotional connection with them. They can understand me a lot of the time, they are a certain mix of breeds where they just want to be a part of the family, they sleep with us every night, and cuddle up, they comfort us when we are upset, and I could go on and on about them.

Well, when I was at my dad's he kept asking, can I make you something to eat? can I make you some Tea? can I sit down with you? and I was like NO, all I want is to lay down and snuggle up with Dakota and Bear. And all he could say was "I dont think right now is the time to be worrying about the dogs" in the MOST unsincere voice. He talks about them like they are just nusances, like I'm talking about ticks or something.

Well I told him how he just doesnt understand. Than I decided I just need to get out of the house, it was making me feel irratable and more depressed, so I asked my dad for some money to go put gas in my car and pick up some contact solution.

Well I went and got gas, I tried calling my mom she wasnt answering (she understands how I feel about the dogs cuz to her they are her grandkids) I also got some smokes, I KNOW I KNOW I just got through with quitting them for three weeks. BUT, I'm am just allowing myself to feel like shit right now and be a mess untill I have the strength to pick myself back up. I still have some patches left and I will use those if I need to once I'm ready to take care of myself agian. which should be VERY soon.

Anyways I started driving towards Everett to see if any of my friends up there would be home. Well no one was they were all out doing stuff for the weekend. SO I turned around and headed towards Edmonds. I got there and Dakota and Bear were SOOOO freaking happy to see me, they were jumping and licking the hell out of me and just wagging there little tails like crazy. Dakota was doing his "speach" to me that he does whenever I'm gone for a long period of time. He does like this slightly loud barking thing here he looks me staright in the face and its almost like he is saying "DONT leave us for so long again! we were worried!" Almost like a parent being strict with there kids, I dunno its hard to explain but quite entertaining to see!

So, I spent maybe about 15 minutes at the house, untill I couldnt handle it anyomre. It was just breaking my heart, seeing Joe, seeing all of our things, seeing the dogs, my cats, my bunnies. I left and started driving all I wanted to do was just crash into a tree or something and DIE!

I kept feeling like this and I didnt want to go anywhere, I didnt want to go back to the house, not my dad's had no where to go or would want to go and I was feeling SOO much hurt I just didnt want to feel it anymore.

SO, I drove myself to Steven's hospital ER, I told them how I was feeling, Pretty quickly they put me in a room, gave me a breathelizer and had me give a urine sample just to make sure I hadnt taken a ton of drugs or anything. They had me in this room with NOTHING but a matress on the floor and a blanket that I wrapped myself up in. I was on a video camera and ha da girl outside watching me the whole time to make sure I wouldnt hurt myself.

It was pretty rediculous, but I understand I mean I told them I wanted to be dead, I wasnt going to do anything but I didnt know what I would do I guess. I just wanted to Die, I could never kill myself, especially when I KNOW that things WILL get better, I have faith in god, I'm not religous or anything. but I do have Faith, and I do know that things do get better. its just that at that moment I felt SO horrible I just didnt want to feel it anymore, I jsut wanted them to like, give me a shot of morphine or something so I could just take a break from my feelings. But instead they just had a counselor person talk to me. She seemed somewhat understanding but at the same time I felt like she was treating me like an idiot that was over reacting cuz of a broken heart.

Ohwell, anyways so they cleared me to leave as long as I promised not to hurt myself and to get into counseling, they diagnosed me with "situatoinal depression" ummm DUH!

So after that I called my dad, he was pretty mad that I went to the hospital he said next time I should just come to him and talk. But I dont think he understood. So I went to the store and got some contact solution cuz I NEEDED to get my contacts out after crying my head off for a good period of the day. My dad told me to come back to his house.

So I got back there I still really didnt want to be there, he tried offering me food and stuff agian. I jsut went and took a bath, went on the computer, and than called Heather and decided to go hang out with her. Oh I also talked with Joe's parents A LOT yesterday. Both of them are very worried about me, they told me how they love me as a daughter. And Joe's mom especially is REALLY upset with the situation. She told me it is not fair for me to just have to leave the house, she said I need to be at my house with my dogs and my stuff and I need to be there for us to work through this. She seems to still think that Joe is just having issues because of his friend's death and that he doesnt mean anything he is saying. But I am not so sure.

So I went to Heather and Justins and that was nice. It was kinda hard being around a couple especially ones that Joe and I use to hang out with A LOT. Than Mike called and invited us over to his and other mike's apartment for a bbq, So I followed Heather there since she would probably be leaving before me to go home and get to bed before work. Those guys can always cheer me up they are pretty funny. They MADE me eat a cheeseburger, I really didnt want to eat but it felt good to eat. All I wanted was some alcohol but all they had was Bud Lite, so I was like umm no thanks.

So we hung out there and started watching Nacho Libre cuz I had never seen it and they wanted to cheer me up. All though I was all for watching any sort of Edward Norton movie cuz he is like my sex god, but ohwell we decied a funny movie would be better than fight club or american history x cuz that was the only Norton movies they had.

Than about 12 30 AM Joe texted me asking if I was still awake, This was after he had sent me a message saying that he knew I wanted to come home and see the dogs but he said not to come over untill "tomorrow" while he was at work because he needed some time to himself and he needed to get sleep before work.

BUT, at 12 30 he texted me asking if i was still up, so I wrote back yeah why? and than he called me, he told me he couldnt sleep, and I said well what do you want me to do? and he said well I cant get the dogs inside, they are just sitting at the gate waiting for you. I said well you told me not to come over there. and than he said well if it would make you happier to see them you can come over and sleep here with the dogs cuz I know you just want to cuddle with them, so I asked well where will I sleep and where will he sleep. he said I could sleep in the bed with the dogs and he would sleep on the couch. So I said well okay as long as thats okay with you cuz you had said you needed your alone time, and than he said that he was just wanting to make me happy. SO I left the mike's house around 1 30 am after talking with them about the situation for awhile.

I got home, and Joe and the dogs were in the bedroom sleeping. The dogs heard me come inside and were barking and whimpering for me, so I played with them for awhile, than I took some nyquil, just half of a dose to help me sleep, I went in the room and asked Joe where he wanted me to sleep, and he said wherever. So I just got into bed with him and the dogs, Dakota and Bear slept in between us and I snuggled up with Dakota. We both woke up a few times during the night/morning and just sorta started at each other. (meaning Joe and I) than this morning when his alarm went off for work I kept waking him up cuz he always falls asleep after his alarm goes off and needs me to get him out of bed. He said he was tired and didnt want to get up. and I basically made him get out of bed. I got up for a bit too with the dogs and let them go outside to go potty. Joe finally got up he was sitting on the couch all dressed with his head in his hands, I asked him if he was okay, and he said that he was tired, and I said I know, and than he told me how this wasnt easy for him either.

I went back to bed Joe came in to get his cellphone but didnt say anything to me. Than I finally fell back asleep with the dogs.

I woke up around elven pretty soon after I woke up Joe called me from work on his lunch break and asked "So what about the rabbits?" he was wanting me to take the rabbits to my dad's house and I assured him my dad wouldnt let me but that I would try convincing him cuz they are MY rabbits. I said that I didnt have a chance to talk to my dad about it yet. And than he asked what i was doing, I said just at the computer, And he asked what I was going to do today, and I said I didnt know. And the said that I shouldnt just sit at the computer all day and I should do something. I said I know but that I still needed to figure out what to do next.

SOOOOOOOOO, amilliion run on sentances later, and feeling like my arms are about to fall off, that has been my past 24 hours.

I start my new job tomorrow, all of my friends and the counselor person I talked to at the hospital, and my dad, and Joe's parents told me that the best thing I can do for myself right now is go to that job and stay with it.

I will write more about the job later today my hands are just hurting way to bad right now to write anything more.

OH yeah! when I talked to Joe on the phone I asked him if I could stay at the house for a few days while I got myself together and just stay in the spare bedroom, and he said if that would help than It would be okay. SOO atleast I dont have to worry about moving in with my dad QUITE yet.

OK bye for now!

thank you to EVERYONE who has left me nice comments!!!!


Love, Becky