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Finally I have internet again!

May. 2nd, 2008 | 02:08 pm
mood: determineddetermined

I am living in everett in an apartment for the next year. I have a really great new boyfriend Eric, and a great job and roomates! We have had internet set up the past month but no computer, today I was able to meet up with my mom and we got some things out of her storage and she let us use her computer so YAY I have the internet again! I will be able to keep in touch with everyone again and get my WOW account set back up.

I do have some bad news though too. As you all know I have had weak knees almost my whole life, I have had two knee surgerys on my left knee, the second one was to fix up stutures that tore from the first time, Well now my left knee is all fucked up again I dont know if its from me working so much or from all the exersize I've gotten the last year or what. But I've been to the doctors It looks like I may never be able to get my knees completly normal, which means I will never be able to work in any kind of acting or standing all day enviroment and eventually not work at all because the pain and weakness will just get worse over time. I have to go back to talk with someone about getting on medicare because I'm going to have to be on a chronic pain treatment plan which means I will be on a lot of medications.

First of all I'm going to talk to the natrualpath doctor at the community health clinic, it sounds like I may be getting prescribed medical pot. Because they wont prescribe people like me narcotics because this is something I will have to treat every day to be able to get through the day.

So everything is kinda up in the air for now. I'm going to have to cut back to part time at work because my knees are soo bad right now. Maybe the PT will be able to help me with exersizes so that I can work atleast. If not my mom is going to a seminar next friday to find out about disability. She has been telling me for years that I could probably get it and with all my medical problems it would probably be the best thing for me. I've just been stubborn and wanting to work and be resonpsible for my self. But with the way I am feeling now and if it cant get fixed and if it gets worse I will have to get disability and stop working.

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Mar. 24th, 2008 | 09:02 pm

for the first time in my life, work is going GREAT but everything else is pretty shitty. But I'm trying to stay positive because by Friday I will not be homeless anymore. I'm moving into my new apartment in Everett with one of the girls I work with. : ) we get to paint and everything! I am SOOOO excited for that. But untill then I am homeless, stressed, pretty much familyless for the moment due to all kinds of drama. but hey, life goes on...

Love, Becca

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getting stuff taken care of..

Feb. 13th, 2008 | 02:59 pm
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

Well today I magically woke up at eight am on the dot! this is a suprise for me cuz lately I've had such bad cabin fever its made me soo restless that I cant sleep at night. SO I wind up taking nyquil to knock my ass out but than I end up sleeping waaay too long. But last night I took some and woke up right at eight so that was nice. I've been just mainly taking care of thisg today before I start back to work.

I had an interview yesterday with Petco that went REALLY well and I will here back about it on Friday. SO I will write more info about the job after I Find out if I have it or not.

Today I called all of the hospitals that I owe money too and requested financial help applications from each indiviual hospital. So I'm going to fill those out and send them in and see if I can get any help paying them. If not I could still probably manage to pay them off on my own with in a few months. But it would be nicer to get the help since I dont have much money and I have a lot of bills.

I've been on two nice walks with the dogs today it is SOO pretty out I just had to get outside!

I also called the vet and got Bear's appointment set up to get his stiches removed, also at that time I'm going to bring all three dogs to get their shots updated. That will be on Friday.

Tomorrow night I have no idea what I'm going to be doing. no plans yet. Maybe I can find some friends to hang out with and have fun or something. Now I Need to try and motivate myself to get other things done.

I will post something more intersting soon!



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Feb. 12th, 2008 | 05:58 pm
mood: creativecreative

Okay so I have been thinking a lot lately about all of my medical conditions. Because I seriously have WAY too many for a girl my age. And it has been an on going thing my entire life. One of the things I did find out was that I had a learning disability called dysgraphia when I was about 15. My parents had gotten a letter in the mail from Children's hospital saying that they were finding in new studies that many children were having learning problems and speaking problems who had gone through open heart surgery as infants. My parents took me in immeadetly to a few different places to get tests. Cuz I had always been kinda a weird child, I learned things differently and I would be extremly well with some things and horrible at others no mattter how hard I tried at them.

Growing up I always kind of felt like this weird kid. I never felt like I connected with my peers and had a hard time understanding certain things. I also had an INSANE amount of imagination, some times to the point where it would cause me anxiety. I beleive that my extreme imagination could definatley be from the anesthsia I was on and morphine for months at a time as a child growing up. Plus I have had a total of 6 surgeries now all were farily long and I was under medications for a long time and for a long time after wards.

Anyways not all of these problems are gone now. I'm just starting to get more aware of them and now that I have internet again I've been doing a lot of reasearch. I found out that I got more brain damage than I thought, not just from loss of oxygen to the brain the to times I medically died, but also from them putting me into a cardiac hypothermic state, and from all of the different combinations of drugs they gave me. Including morphine, which I now have a completly high tolderance to and it has no affects on me what so ever! and also the anesthetics have proven to cause a lot of problems in people. Including the different drugs they put into it like, hallucingetics, a drug that blocks your memory, and it makes you basically brain dead and a palegic, you cant move, and I guess in many cases they found back when I was having surgery that babies and kids were waking up a lot but since they couldnt move or talk they couldnt make it aware!! isnt that freaky! and ALIA you remember me telling ou how I remember one of my surgerys?? So I guess that can cause a lot of post dramatic stress dissorder, which causes depression and anxiety and obsessive behaviors. WEIRD.

This is all kinda freaky to me but also helps a lot, it helps me understand what my body has been through and why I am the way I am now. anyways, here are a few studies I Found on some of my research, I found a lot more but I dont want to post all of it!




I will update again more!!



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Weekend Update...

Feb. 5th, 2008 | 12:46 am
mood: confusedconfused

Saturday night was fun, we went to the bar in Georgetown and I had a couple drinks and some yummy food. I pretty much skipped the radiohead thing cuz I was really tired so I just went to bed instead. I've been sleeping really good lately. Things have been going fairly good. I'm still waiting to get a job but I keep finding new opportunities so I just need to be patient and I will find the right job soon.

Tonight I am having some trouble sleeping. I believe it could be because, I can definably feel a big change coming for me, but I'm not certain what it is or what kind of change it would be for me. I'm kind of happy and excited yet terribly scared as well. I feel like I have gotten to such a great place in my life and I don't know what to do if it all fell apart.

But then again who am I fooling. I have felt the strongest emotionally I have ever felt in SOO long. I'm not sure if it due to the situations I have recently been through or like my therapist I use to see had always told me that woman tend to mature and "find themselves" in their mid twenties. I am thinking it is from a bit of both. So with all this positive feeling and strong feeling about myself, I've had actually had a LOT going on lately. Well not me personally but with my family mainly, and also with friends.

Things that would normally upset me and stress me out soo badly it would handicapped me from being able to be a human being. Which right now I am still keeping on top of things like cleaning, taking care of myself and animals. I've noticed I've been struggling with things like I get sort of a lag before I get myself motivated but the point for me is that I did it, when before I would just tell my self I cant do it and nothing would get done and I would feel even crappier about myself.

Anyways I dont know what my problem is right now. I just know that I feel so close to some sort of completeness but I'm not sure if it is quite there. Maybe I will feel better about things once I am more secure and stable. I JUST moved away from portludlow a little over a week ago, I still need to get my things from there, find a job, start a new life out here, and start visiting all my friends I haven't seen in a long time, PLUS keep up with my sanity and health.

The thing that seems to be at the top of my mind constantly has been my health. I have been taking much better care of it since I started exercising and lost weight. I'm eating a lot better. getting way more exercise, and just feeling mentally healthy as well.

I guess what I am afraid of right now is normalcy. I've been SOO use to chaos and drama and stress and strife the past few months, heck even years, that I'm kinda scared to change my life style. Like I got so use to that one life pattern of constantly struggling to pull my head out of the water. And now I feel completely out of the water its like what do I do what happens next where am I supposed to go?

Is it okay to feel lost and found at the same time????

I know this blog doesn't make too much sense. Tonight my mind just started rambling so I decided to write instead of let all this stress fester inside of me.

I hope everyone is doing well! and I am hoping things start coming around for me with a job.

I will write soon!

<3 Becky

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the SINGLE life!

Feb. 2nd, 2008 | 02:03 pm
mood: happyhappy

So tonight is my first Saturday night SINGLE! I'm going out with some friends to a really cool bar in Georgetown where my friend Si plays sometimes, its called Jules Mae and its a really cool laid back bar with great music and atmosphere!

THAN were going out to see radiohead lazershow at 10:30! if any of you arent busy later tonight maybe you could meet up with us at the lazer show!

Well prior to having all of my fun I have been responsible, I applied for the position at Petco today it was one of those online applications with the long survey thingy. I looked at the carrer info page and they have FULL medical, dental, and vision coverage PLUS a discount on everything lincuding pet insurance!! aaaand if I can get in as a groomer there they PAY for my training! the ONLY downside to going through training there instead of paying for school is that I will have to sign some sort of agreement that I wont work for any other groomer company or work on my own for a certain number of years, I think like two or three.

Which I Decided is worth it because of my financial situation, this way I can get paid for school instead of haivng to pay for it, I also will have all my clients already there for me, I will work for a couple of years there and gain a ton of experience and become fully ready to open up my own place or just work somewhere else. PLUS I will be getting benefits aswell.

I'm really hoping to start working with in the next week! My first thing I want to save up for is Ingrid Michaelson concert tickets! she will be in WA in feb and march. I really like her music and her voice is really close to my singing voice its kinda scary! and all her lyrics are just wonderful! and she is just dang cute!

Anyways, Bear is doing better his stiches were bleeding the first day after his surgery but not too bad and I blotted it and held pressure and now have a bandanna around his neck to cover up the stiches so he or the other dogs cant get to it. He doesnt seem to be in pain or anything though, he is being his normal happy self.

Last night I cooked a pretty good tortellini pasta dinner! I had some friends come over and we ate dinner and drank some wine, it was really nice! and my pasta turned out way better than I would of imagined. I've become to REALLLY enjoy cooking now, even cleaning and laundry! its weird.

OH! I checked my weight last night and I was down two more pounds! 128 I';ve been soo full of energy lately I cant help but get exersize. I Hope two pounds in one week isnt really bad though! but I guess I had still been a little bloated from my ovarian cyst that ruptured a couple weeks ago, I dont feel nearly as bloated so maybe that could have something to do with it. Ive been eating like crazy, just eating pretty healthy stuff maybe since I started exersizing my metabolism changed I dont know. I can talk with my dr about it in a fwe weeks cuz I have to go in to talk about the birth control pill I am on to stop me from ovulating and in which will stop me from getting cysts. If it still hasnt given me any weird side affects by than I MIGHT get an IUD just depending on costs and if I will have insurance by than or not. right now the pills are 30 dollars a month with no insurance. so who knows...

anyways, I'm gona go play with my doggies and than maybe play a little WoW! it has been sooo long, but I've found I cant sit still for too long and play it like I use to, which is a GOOD thing!

okay I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!!

I will post again soon!

<3 Becca

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Jan. 31st, 2008 | 03:28 pm
mood: cheerfulcheerful

So in my years of dating and having relationships I have ALWAYS been the one to be dumped. I always thought that was the harder side of it but now that I have left Adam I've realized it is pretty much equally hard.

Yes, I left Adam. I know I made it sound like things were doing awesome and wonderful but I think that maybe the first month I was with him it was exciting and new. He introduced me to all kinds of new people and a new way of life. The laid back island life. I really enjoyed my time in Port Ludlow I had a great job well not pay wise but very nice coworkers and plenty of great customers. But over the last several months since about Nov. Adam and I have been having a lot of problems. For one he is a heavy alcohol drinker, pot smoker, and occasional other drug usage. Which is not my think at all! I was trying to be open minded and I never want to be one of those girlfriends that changes someone to mold them to who I want them to be. But I realized all of are arguments were about things we wanted each other to change about ourselves and it just never happened.

All though I have made many good improvements with my self and changes inclucding, exersizing, I am down to 130 pounds!! My goal weight is 120 so if I keep up with my new healthy life style and stick with it I'm sure that will be no problem. I've also learned to manage my stress and illnesses muuuuuuuch better. I only missed work once because I had an ovarian cyst rupture a few weeks ago. It happened while I was at work and I tried to be strong and stay for my whole shift but my manager told me to leave and go to the hospital. They were very understanding about, they seemed to care about my state of mind and health way more than Adam ever did.

He was a nice guy but very involved with himself. Put himself first all the time, put me down A LOT and just over time I realized that he was NOT the right guy for me what so ever. SOOO

Last Sunday I told him I was leaving, he got really angry and all day Monday he was just mad at me, ever since then he just keeps calling and texting me saying that he misses me and wants to change so that I will come back to him, but I made it very clear that its not going to happen.

Anyways, I am doing really good I've only cried because I feel bad hurting someone who cares about me, even though he hurt me too. It feels wonderful to not be constantly worring about pleasing him and doing everything HE wants his way so that he doesnt drunken angirly yell at me. He was never physically violent with me just really mean to me with what he said and how he treated me.

So even though it has been hard to break it off I feel very good about myself for sticking up for myself. I'm tired of being the girl that gets walked all over and constantly struggling. I want to be able to take care of myself mentally, physically, and financially.

Right now I'm staying with some friends and looking for a job and place to live. I have a few good job oppurtunites. The one that looks very promising is at All the best pet care in lake city way. I use to go in there all the time when I lived in Georgetown and the manager really liked me and I actually was offered a job with them right before I left to move to port ludlow, I just called and she is still hiring but needs me to come in and update my application. They have benefits, AND I would get to work in an enviroment that involves something I care about, animals and there health and well being.

Plus besides my benefits I will be able to get discounts on pet supplies and food, which will help me out financially since I now have three dogs. My mom had gotten a bull terrier puppy a few months back and her fianccee changed his mind and realized that having a dog was too stressful for him and he couldnt train her at all. With in a week of having her she is potty trained, doesnt bite at all she use to do the puppy nibbles but those tiny puppy teeth can hurt so I've trained her how to be gentle with people. She also knows sit and is still learning shake and lay down. She is a wonderful little puppy and a good addition to my little family. Dakota and Bear love her they play wonderful together!

Anyways I know its been a long time since I've updated and I'm kinda writing about all kinds of random things I just dont have the time to write out EVERYTHING I've been through lately.

I just wanted to let everyone know Im back so I can see you all much more, and that I am doing really well and I'm finally happy with myself!

I'm interested in going to a dog grooming school which is in kenmore the only thing holding me back is finances so once I get back to work and start saving $$ it should work out. Even if I dont decide to do dog grooming as a career it will be lovely to learn all that stuff just for my own personal use and any friends or family who have pets and want cheap or free grooming and health tips!

anyways I need to get going, I've been away from internet and tv for 6 months start to feel lazy if I sit at the computer or tv for longer than 30 min, and I have soo much more energy than I use to since I've been walking and working out a lot. So I get antzy sitting still.

OH YEAH! I forgot to update about Bear, he is at the vet right now having minor surgery, He has had a small lump on his neck for awhile and I went in to get it checked out. The vet does not think it is cancer but would like to remove it and send it to a lab to get tested just incase. It is most likely just a cyst or something weird but not harmful like that. So once I get the results back I will update about it.

I hope everyone is having a good new year so far! and I will be updating more often now.


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On a Sailboat... ( I actually wrote this about 3 hrs ago but the internet went down

Nov. 17th, 2007 | 12:21 pm
mood: cheerfulcheerful

I have once again stumbled across a computer with internet access! Let's see what has been happening the last month for me...

Dave has gotten evicted from the house in Georgetown which means Adam and I were too. After a month of searching places available to rent and trying to decicde where we will live we've found a place!

This last month has been pretty stressful due to lack of money and the whole, once again moving situation. Adam's work schedule also was changed to 730am to 330pm, which meant he wound up staying on the island through out the week while I was stuck in seattle. It has been hard, espeacially since I have no tv or internet. I've been pretty sore still from the accident and I now have a pinched nerve in my low back, so if I stand up after sitting for a long time my back goes out on me and I have to stand there bent over and slowly straighten up my back. So I've been spending the last week reading my 4th book of the earth children series, which is SOOO good. I just have a few more chapters left in it.

I also believe I have another cyst starting. My period is due in about a week. I've been having crazy ass pms and cramping for the last two weeks. At first I thought there could be a chance I was pregnant because last month Adam and I had a condom broke. (sorry if that is tmi) Anyways we were kinda freaked out but I got a pregnancy test earlier this week which was neg. So with all the signs and symptoms I am almost positive I have another cyst. Which I hope is not the case but only time will tell.

Anyways enough of the stressful crap that has been going on. Adam and I are moving in TODAY (my brother John's 21st b day) to our friend Danen's house in Port Ludlow right over the hoods canal bridge. Danen is living in Hawaii right now and will be for the next 6 months or so. Anyways we've been over at his house several times and told him how much we loved it, and when this housing issue came up we talked with him about it. Actually Adam has been busy working so I've been the one looking for places to move and doing all the negotiating. Over the last week I've been talking with Danen and we both agreed that it would be the best thing for both sides.

Let me describe to you where Adam and I are going to be living from now on. Well I will describe for all of you people on the other side of the water how it will appear to you when coming over. Once you get off the ferry ride to BI, It is already quite a bit more peaceful than what you are use to in seattle with the crazy traffic and all. Plus the scenery is BEAUTIFUL! trees everywhere, artistic houses and shops, views of the water from almost everywhere you go. Anyways you head up towards the suqamish bridge, after you go over that you are in Poulsbo, drive through poulsbo which is a pretty small town with a lot of construction going on to expand the roads and new businesses going up. Than you take a right onto HWY 3 and head towards the Hoods Canal bridge.

The Bridge itself is one mile long, and the view is just fantastic especially at sunset or sunrise. Once you are over the bridge you are completly out in nature. Our place is just a few miles after the bridge, you take a right off of the freeway up this long winding hill. Than turn onto Moondance rd which is a private gravel road, there is a few houses off of the road, ours is toward the end of the road, We have several acres of land and wooded area. The house itself is amazing let alone the scenery and view of the entire canal! Danen custom built this house, the whole wall that faces the water is all glass doors. The ceiling has many sun roofs to bring in even more light or for at night looking up at all of the stars. The kitchen is all black granite counter tops with gorgeous wood work cabinets. The flooring is all flattened out huge stones and they are all heated flooring aswell. The sleeping area has a queen sized actual temprupedic bed with a great bedframe that has nice wooden drawers for clothes underneath, and the whole other half of the house has lofts up along the top. The bathroom is just amazing! The shower was custom built to resemble a waterfall, theres several windows in the bathroom to bring in light, and when you look outside all you see is the pretty evergreem trees. The shower has stone and rock walls and plants, also a stone bench to sit on and the shower head hangs directly over the middle of the shower area to make it more like a waterfall. Plus there are green indoor plants inside of it too!

Not only is this house completly amazing and beautiful, so is our surroundings, like I said we have a great view of the water, it is also fantastic for the dogs, they are welcome to just roam around the property they love it! they just run around and play all day and come inside to rest. We have an uper part of the property which the house is on and a lower part down from the hill which is where Danen is going to live when he comes back, he is building a cabin down there. Both peices of land have huge firepits for bonfires. Oh and I forgot to mention we have solar paneling on the house. So if the power goes out or whatever we can use the saved up solar energy and it also decreases the electicty bill.

I am sooo excited to get in there tonight, the only reason were still waiting is because, Danen is having some friends and his brother inlaw go up to the house today to clear out some of his stuff and move his cars out of the driveway and down to the lower part of land so that we will have more space for our things and full access to the driveway.

So yeah I am definatley looking forward to my new home, it is the most peaceful and relaxing places I have found on earth. I'm also looking forward to being able to see Adam all week long instead of just the weekends.

I already have a few possibilitys for jobs up there. But untill I get a job started we will have quite a bit of money coming in on Monday, which is when I am going to be selling my car, so I can pay it off and also have atleast 3,000 left over, which some will go towards december's rent and the rest we are going to save. We might spend a little of it on a good used lap top or something. I would like to get the internet hooked up out there. And I'm hoping I can get back in to WoW again. Allthough I will probably not play nearly as much as I use to. I've been quite happy with my life style lately of having no tv or internet. I have read several books already and I've been writing more and singing and playing my guitar and drums.

Anyways untill later on today I am going to be hanging out on this sailboat of our friends. It is actually pretty big with two bathrooms and three sleeping areas. This was my first time sleeping on a boat and it was pretty excitintg. I mean the beds are pretty tiny but the feeling of the water just lulls you to sleep. I might actually take an afternoon nap here in a little while after I find something to eat for breakfast.

I'm hoping most of my friends if not all of them will be able to come visit us at some point in the next few months. Adam is completly excited for the kitchen because he use to be a top chef for the last like ten plus years, SO he cooks reeeeaaaaalllly good meals. I've had a few so far, but he likes cooking big meals for a bunch of people. We already have one dinner planned for Adam's boss and his GF to come over because Adam's boss is spending all day today working on my van and fixing the breaks for me. My mom has lent me her mini van for the last month while my car has been in the shop, but now since weve decided to sell the car, I will just keep using the van. But the break light has been on forever and the breaks have been really bad the last week. I guess I only had ONE working break and no break fluid and all these parts are worn out or fallen off!!! so I could of easily killed someone, which is scary. and I've been really freaked out driving it down steep hills cuz its harder to get it to stop. Anyways all that mess should be fixed by tonight which is good, cuz we will need the van for the next two weeks to move stuff from Dave's house in seattle and from my storage unit.

Okay I guess that is enough for me to right about for now. I'm going to go look for something in the kitchen to eat and I will be updating again soon I hope.

oh and Ahsan my little "live journal commenter" I am not afraid of you or what you have to say it is just really stupid and annoying to have to read a ba gillion comments from you that are all basically saying the same thing about how crappy of a person I am. I would just rather delete them and not even read them anymore because I've heard it from you PLENTY of times and I dont need anymore of your shit! You can think what you want I do not care.

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Car Accident

Oct. 21st, 2007 | 10:44 am
mood: calmcalm

Just a quick update...

So Adam and I have moved back to Seattle we are living in Georgetown again. I was doing great at my job and loving it! They even wanted me to become the lead toddler teacher and give me a raise. Well that all went down hill when I got in a car accident last thursday. I went into work Friday and that following Monday. But the soreness of the accident really started kicking in by tuesday so I went to a doctor to get it checked out. It looks like I didnt break or sprain anything but I really missed up my muscles they are all very tense and so I have to do physical therapy for awhile and I'm going to have to find a different kind of job. Something less physical.

SOOO that sucks..

My car looks like it will be fixable, my car insurance is paying for my dr appointment and PT appointments PLUS they will give me 85% of my paychecks untill I'm able to work again. I'm thinking of doing a job for a travel agency or secretary at a veterinary clinic or something like that. Plus I'm going to go back to school to get a degree in american sign language and translating it so that I can work for schools doing that!

Adam and I are doing well. We came over to Eastern WA this weekend to visit his parents. It has been fun and they gave us our christmas presents early. Adam got ALL kinds of tools whcih will help a lot with his timber framing apprenticeship. I got this beautiful lavendar candle set and really yummy bath things.

Anyways I should get off the computer and hang out with the family

I will update again soon!

Love, Becca

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Sep. 20th, 2007 | 04:04 pm
mood: accomplishedaccomplished

It is times like these in our lives when we find out who are friends are.

I'm really happy. My family is really happy for me. And if people really do think I'm a horrible person than please just let me go, I dont want to be in someones life who doesnt see me as a good person. Because I know I am a wonderful person despite my flaws. No body is perfect!

But yeah, I've been doing good. I've been on top of everything. Money, Work, Meds, Cleaning, Laundry, taking care of my dogs, and myself.

I havent watched television in MONTHS! That is how great things are. My life has been soo nice lately. Adam comes home and we just spend time together talking, being together, reading together. We dont have time to watch tv or anything like that because we are so involved with just enjoying our time together. I also have hardly been on the internet either. I just come to the library when I get a chance. Which probably wont be as often once I start work next week.

I'm just tired of allowing negative influnces into my life. Negative comments from people on livejournal or just negative talk to myself. I am doing good and that is all I need to know.

Alright, I'm going to take off now and get back home. I'm still not sure what is going to be happening this weekend. I had heard from Si yesterday and he was going to try to get a few people together to come camping, Adam is working on Saturday so I'm not sure if that will happen or not. I might end up heading out towards seattle to visit people or I might end up hanging out with Adrianne or Jen or someone over here taking the dogs to the dog park and taking pictures at the beach! I cant wait to get my own computer so I can post all the pictures I've been taking lately!!

Once I pick up my Eisle from my dad's house I'm going to work on my paintings. There are many artists around here and places to sell artwork. I'm not sure if I will sell anything or if I will just do it for fun and relaxation.

I will update later!

<3 Becca

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